Today I cried in meditation
Today I cried in meditation…
Was it even meditation? Or was it just some minutes I finally surrendered my thoughts-hamster-wheel so I can clear up the space for the divine…?
Starting a new year had felt exquisitely joyful - getting to spend family time is not something I take for granted since I’ve lived alone in a foreign country since I was 18. I enjoyed the presence of family, of traditions, of noise, and constant activity. (I’ll share more on my journey of healing so that I could intentionally enjoy family in another post). And then, the holidays were over and it was time to “get back to work.”
Except getting back to work in this entrepreneurial moment in my life means being the force behind, within, and in front of my businesses. It means staying committed and self-driven to keep putting myself out there as a Soul Purpose Coach and Graphic Designer.
On the best days this is exactly what I was meant to create — to step into the role of coach, to work with people in a magically intimate and growth context is what my soul was yearning for. As an artist, designing and graphically recording for movements of social justice is a gift that keeps my heart pumping.
On the worst days, however, like when I am “getting back to work” after the holidays, it can be daunting. Did I really mold my working life to be solely dependent on my energy and motivation? Wow.
But back to the crying while meditating…
Today, a week into the new year of work, having gone through the fear and the excitement of being an entrepreneur… here I was, with a busy mind.
I knew I felt a pull to be in silence for a while. I kept putting it off because I wanted to find THE quiet time of day, sitting by THE tree, all in THE perfect unison (Where are my perfectionists at?!). But we know perfection doesn’t exist. So I finally closed my eyes at my desk, held my hands together and rested my forehead on my fingertips.
Breathing…
Being…
“I feel so disconnected,” I said inside.
“I’ve been here all along,” it whispered back.
“How can I feel the connection? How can I stay here?”
“By listening. By seeking. By being here.”
And there it was. That familiar expansive feeling in my chest. The joy, the light... Tears swelled up in my eyes.
I remembered. I remembered that being aligned with divinity isn’t a far away concept. I remembered that my soul’s yearning is the guiding light to my peace. I remembered that I can just stop sometimes and get back in touch.
I stayed in this moment for a while. Enjoying it all. Then I heard whispers to open my eyes and “get back to work,” so I wiped my tears, smiled… and continued my day.
